Gabriella Harrison's story

To my Idahoan friends and family,

Please please do me the honor of reading this before you vote.

This is not an easy thing to write, many tears were shed in it and time spent discerning if I should even share but I wanted to get this out there since there is a huge measure on the ballot and a lot of misinformation on it - misinformation that really hurts as a mom who whose life was in danger and who lost her baby after the abortion ban went into affect.

 

In short (if you don’t have time to read everything) voting yes on Prop 1 because you think it will help women like me would honestly dishonor me. The current abortion ban was good for me and I am grateful for it. Everything you are hearing about how life of the mother is not protected is totally FALSE.

Please share this story so that more babies and moms can be honored.

 

My water broke early, my membranes prolapsed at 17 weeks. I was too dilated for an emergency cerclage, which the MFM refused to do knowing the chances to save my baby were “below 0%” and the chances of me getting sepsis was inevitable if I did not deliver.

I can say from experience, and with full certainty, that the abortion ban did not put me at “death’s door”. These things are rare, but they do happen and can be dangerous. I was told I could go to Utah if I wanted to be induced immediately before I developed a fever, high white blood count or anything indicating an infection. Or I could stay and they would draw my blood and measure my vitals regularly to see the earliest I could legally be induced.

 

Since my baby still had a heartbeat there legally needed to be a sign that my life was actually in danger, not just an idea that it would be, but that it actually was. A slight fever or increase in white cell blood count was all that was needed - I was not put at “deaths door” like some politicians have said- people get slight fevers and an increase in white blood cells from colds or scrapes all the time. In my case, it could have escalated to sepsis but even then that can be 2-7 days to develop post that initial sign, and, while sepsis is dangerous, it is not an automatic death sentence. It is not as though I had to wait to be emitted to the ICU. And it is not as though I needed an abortion to save my life, in fact having a procedural abortion at that stage of pregnancy (like the ones prop 1 wants to allow) would have involved a greater risk of infection, the doctors never even mentioned that as an option. Induction was the safest route. Waiting for that induction did not put me at deaths door or even close, but rather it gave me more precious time with my baby. Everything had escalated so fast, and waiting gave us roughly 20 more hours with our child that otherwise we would not have had. More time to pray for a miracle, more time to see what our options were, more time to talk and share stories with him. I remember we shared our wedding song with him and we told him he was so greatly loved.

 

I was devastated when I was told my body had gotten to the point of having a sign of infection, it was as though they were telling me my time with my baby was up. In hindsight I wish I would have waited longer, even to the point that I was at deaths door, but I was given conflicting information that made me think delivering him then was what was best for him. I am still unsure about that info to this day.

 

Through my experience I learned that when a miscarriage or stillbirth happens nurses are trained to humanize the lost baby because research shows it aids in the mother’s healing. So when I delivered, and I was so scared to see my baby (thinking of how he may look that early in development post delivery), they immediately put him straight to my chest, they later swaddled him in a blanket and put a diaper and hat on him. And you know what, it was healing. When I saw him I was amazed by how beautiful and perfect he looked. I could feel my heart swell up with love and adoration of him. And when I saw him treated with reverence it just felt right. Any parent longs to see their children be loved and the way they humanized him did that for me. At 17 weeks he was so perfectly human, tiny fingernails, defined biceps, fuzzy eyebrows… wonderfully made.

 

We eagerly were wanting a baby, and had been trying for a long time, but God gave us more than a baby to hold here on earth. He gave us a baby in heaven, one that I know intercedes for us and one that inspires me to get to Heaven so that I can hold him for eternity. We miss him so so much. It saddens me to the core that people think ending his life sooner would have been better for people like me, aren’t parents meant to love their kids so much that they are willing to lay down their lives for them? Or if they can’t save them then at least buy them more time? In the years that have followed I can’t explain how much guilt I have carried for not waiting longer. Every time I would see a superhero movie or hear of a story of someone endangering their life or even dying to save a stranger and I couldn’t even save my baby… when I got my results back after the loss I saw that the “sign” the drs used to justify the induction was only a slight increase in white blood cell count - barely above the “green” threshold for what is considered normal and healthy - not in the red or orange but yellow.

 

People who are pro abortion have told me I was “lucky”. But I do not feel “lucky”. Every time I visit my son’s gravesite I want to dig him up and put him back in my womb… no, lucky would be getting to be buried by your children and not the other way around. I know that I could have been worse off if I waited to go in, but that has nothing to do with the law. If someone went in with a slight fever or an ectopic pregnancy they could get immediate treatment. Check the actual verbiage of the law if you don’t believe me.

 

Lastly, I did hear someone say they had to be helicoptered out to another state to get care due to the laws and I want to people to know the reality… it’s not the law that was the issue, but the doctor. Many doctors did not read the law and did not understand that they could legally treat women in danger - this is medical negligence and their lack of knowledge put women like this in danger. I know for a fact that there was a doctor whose first instinct was to just send women away rather than treat them there even though he or she could have. Doctors are not perfect and that seems to be forgotten in many of these discussions.

 

Perhaps one of the biggest takeaways from this experience I learned was to question my doctors and my kid’s doctors. I had gone in to the ER prior to losing Joseph, I have multiple medical staff tell me everything was fine until it wasn’t and it was too late.

 

Medicine is such a gift, science is such a gift and knowledge is a gift - but it is one often wasted. Knowing how to find the truth is becoming a more important skill now more than ever, so before you vote, do your research. Don’t let someone convince you of false information just because it sounds good or because you are afraid.

 

In one of my favorite movies based on a true story, a little boy is given a terminal diagnose with no cure and his parents successfully find one despite not having a medical degree. When the dad is challenged to defend why he was challenging them he said, “He (his son) should not suffer due to our ignorance”. Indeed, we as parents have an obligation to our kids, no matter their condition or circumstance and no matter our own condition or circumstance. Please don’t wait like us to learn that lesson the hard way.